The Knowledge

It amazes me how many minicab drivers don't know their way around. They should be forced to do "The Knowledge" like proper "black cab" drivers. Do they seriously think I can give them directions? This is the woman who took 3 hours to drive from Feltham to Epsom & was finally shown the way by a deaf lady. That was shortly after I'd driven through the gates of a large mansion house, hoping to get directions from the butler. After parking beneath some trees, I walked nervously across the crunchy gravel drive & stared at the imposing front door. I then wondered whether I should look around the side for a Tradesman's Entrance, but as I walked past an enormous bay window, I couldn't resist the urge to peer through it. I pressed my face lightly to the glass, with my hands held up to shut out the sunlight. It took a few seconds to focus, but then, to my deep embarrassment, I saw several people seated around a large oval table, gazing back at me with various expressions of bewilderment & confusion. I smiled weakly & drew back a few inches, as a man rose awkwardly to his feet. He'd only taken a few steps, when the others began to push back their chairs & stumble, frantically, towards the window. It was then that I realised this was no ordinary family gathering and no ordinary posh house in the wealthy commuter belt. It was a mental home, or to be more PC, a residence for the mentally challenged. I will refrain from further detail, but I think it's fair to say that I gave the poor devils a bit more excitement than they would normally experience during Sunday Afternoon Tea.

I decided it was unlikely that these chaps could give directions to the Polo Club Barbeque, so I jumped back into my old MG & reversed, pretty sharpish, down the drive & shot off down another country lane..... which was where I met the deaf lady.